I´m so tired baby! I’m exhausted … It’s like I have reached the moment in my life where everything is about to be decided. It feels like that whatever I do right now will define my entirely future. That frights me. It scares the hell out of me actually. I´m about to make a move, to take a stand, and you can’t imagine how hard it is when you don’t have a clue if you’re doing the right thing. I don’t see stars or ear the bells ringing.
You told me once that I acted like if being unhappy was something I needed to feel alive. You made me question these last 32 years. And you’re wrong. I´m full of joy. I worship the things I have. And the only thing that I really have is the only thing I really need … my son.
I don’t have you. You belong to everybody. You’re public. You are everywhere, waiting in silence for a new prey, like spiders do in the shade. Sometimes you go hunting, not because you’re hungry but for the pleasure of having your ego fulfilled. That’s your true starvation. I fear spiders. And have you realised that the words you always used to comfort me are becoming powerless. They use to feed me for weeks, months, and now it only takes a few hours to build a new wall. Will it comes the day when they won’t work at all?
Do you really think that things will change between us? Do you believe that you will eventually stop searching what ever it is that you are searching for, and that I will eventually trust in you again? Or that many years from now you will still be the “face amid a crowd of stars”? I don’t see the stars or ear the bells ringing.
And why can’t you love my blood the same way I love yours? We could be one.
I could go to battle with you. We could be willing to fight and die for the same cause. Destroy all the monsters. But we´re letting them destroy us instead.
Why can’t I give you what you need? Why did you have to go and ruin the only thing in my life that I wanted to keep?
You told me once that I acted like if being unhappy was something I needed to feel alive. You made me question these last 32 years. And you’re wrong. I´m full of joy. I worship the things I have. And the only thing that I really have is the only thing I really need … my son.
I don’t have you. You belong to everybody. You’re public. You are everywhere, waiting in silence for a new prey, like spiders do in the shade. Sometimes you go hunting, not because you’re hungry but for the pleasure of having your ego fulfilled. That’s your true starvation. I fear spiders. And have you realised that the words you always used to comfort me are becoming powerless. They use to feed me for weeks, months, and now it only takes a few hours to build a new wall. Will it comes the day when they won’t work at all?
Do you really think that things will change between us? Do you believe that you will eventually stop searching what ever it is that you are searching for, and that I will eventually trust in you again? Or that many years from now you will still be the “face amid a crowd of stars”? I don’t see the stars or ear the bells ringing.
And why can’t you love my blood the same way I love yours? We could be one.
I could go to battle with you. We could be willing to fight and die for the same cause. Destroy all the monsters. But we´re letting them destroy us instead.
Why can’t I give you what you need? Why did you have to go and ruin the only thing in my life that I wanted to keep?
